Monday, July 12, 2010

The Last Airbender

I have seen a clip.

I want to cry, it was that bad. No way would I ever, EVER go see this. I'm actually horrified with what they've done to it; or, you know, specifically what M. Night Shyamalan has done to it.

Let's go through this in order:
Okay, so to start, Katara looks dead, and Aang looks like a baby. This would be acceptable if they could act, which they can't. I'm not sure why Aang is reading his dialogue like that, but it's broken and choppy and generally sounds like an amateur movie. Next, "You are powerful and amazing people." That's what it sounds like he just said. That's not....the grammar....just...WHAT? Is English not your first language in this movie? (Actually, that would explain why he talks so oddly...) AND THEY'RE SURROUNDED BY EARTH AND STONE, WHO THE HELL THOUGHT OF THAT? WHAT KIND OF IDIOTS ARE THESE PEOPLE? WHAT KIND OF IDIOTS ARE THE FIRE NATION?? WHY WOULD YOU PUT PEOPLE WHO CAN MANIPULATE EARTH IN AN AREA WHERE THEY ARE SURROUNDED BY EARTH???
Ah, and now the names. You know, I've heard that Shyamalan purposefully had them all mispronounced. Again, this might (might) be acceptable - if the entire thing didn't suck so much.
And again, Sokka and Katara look dead. Yay for conveying emotion!
"I ran away. But I'm back now." A sixth grader could write a better dialogue.
Aaaaaand then there's some seriously weird head moving...(who's he talking to? The fire nation? The earthbenders?)
(....this dialogue is slowly killing me, send help....)
Oh Sokka. You're...mildy funny. The only thing that hasn't vastly upset and horrified me in this 3 and a half minute clip.
And then the firebender looks constipated...(also, yet another thing I've heard: the firebenders can only bend fire if they have one near them. WHY. THE. FUCK. WOULD. YOU. LEAVE. IT. BURNING. You have a waterbender! Just have her put it out!)
Why is it this is a fight scene, and yet everyone takes their turn, one by one, to fight? The people are rallying, and you aren't doing anything? You're not even shocked - you're just standing there!
Oh nice, we gave Katara her scroll. How you knew it came from her tribe, I don't know. I can't rewatch the rest of it. This is too painful. I'm going to go rewatch the entire first and second seasons of the original TV show to get this blasphemy out of my mind...

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